The 90 Percent Rule

By Garth Borthistle

A key principle in resolution work (aka transition ministry) is that 90 percent of what makes a gathering (meeting, conflict-resolution process, etc.) successful is put in place before hand.  

Priya Parker in her book, The Art of Gathering, refers to this rule in a story about work done in complex Middle East dialogue situations. Before bringing leaders together for dialogue, there were two years of preparation work and trust building with delegates. The work consisted of building relational trust, having tea with individuals, listening, meeting family members and hours of pre-dialogue. This is where 90 percent of the gathering’s success is set in motion. 

Time Spent Listening Sets the Course

For transitional leaders or pastors, the level of conflict in a church gives us guidance for this pre-work. I’ve been in a few very tense situations with churches and have found that spending time listening and fact finding does set the course for much of the work ahead.  To be an effective transitional minister, you must build trust with the people you are working with.  

 Some transitional leaders only work with leadership boards while others work with the broader church community. Regardless of who you work with, building trust takes time.  Trust building requires lots of listening. For many people, just being heard (and sometimes for the first time also understood) can heal wounds and move the whole church forward.  For others, being listened to opens the door a crack to move forward into healing.  

 Know the Type of Flooring in the Living Room

 You can’t minister to people if you don’t first relate to them on a human level or in other words, connect with who they are as people. I often tell myself that unless I know what the flooring is like in their living room, I can’t do ministry with them. It’s way to say: connecting is first – the issue is second. Allowing people to be seen and heard is an act of love. 

As a leader, I want to do two things: connect and then understand what the core hurt, anger point or disappointment is. To do this I find out things like the names of their children, if they are a coffee snob, how they ended up at the church in the first place. Connecting and having people feel genuinely heard is a critical part of transitional pre-work. Once I’ve connected, I’m ready to hear what their biggest issue or sadness is with the transition at the church. 

These are acts of love and as the apostle Paul reminds us in 1 Corinthians 13, “If I could speak all the languages of earth and of angels, but didn’t love others, I would be a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.” 

Listening to a Wide Spectrum of People

To do effective pre-work, you must also hear from a wide spectrum of people. In my first two months at a church, I spent a minimum of 75% of my time meeting with people in small groups, one-on-one, family units, staff meetings, leadership groups, former disgruntled members, etc. This can amount to meeting with 50, 70 or even 150 people depending on the size of a church. This means strange hours and long days, but is the only way to truly assess what is going on and where restoration needs to occur.   

In one instance, I spent multiple meetings with a couple who had left the church because I felt the time spent was necessary for all the parties to move forward. This surprised me, but it was only revealed through many one-on-one meetings (by the way, they had new laminate floors). It was a slow process, but it led to a series of significant breakthrough moments in individual relationships, with the leadership board and with the church. In fact, long after the ‘transition period’ ended I continue to hear about individual reconciliations and relationship repair being done. 

The Scale of the Ask Equals the Scale of the Preparation

As time moves on in the transitional process, the trust built up in the pre-work shows itself.  Priya Parker reminds us that the scale of the ask (i.e. reconciliation, healing, new vision) is also the scale of the preparation. You could say that 90 percent  of transition success is set in motion before convening together as a congregation.  

For deep transformation to occur, there are no short cuts. Jesus modeled the priority of relationships and connection with his disciples. He spent 90 percent of his time on earth getting the groundwork set in the hearts and minds of his followers. Then look what happened! 

Thank you for faithfully preparing Jesus’s church for its full potential and purpose. Keep pressing on to the higher calling of our Lord. 
__________________  

 Garth Borthistle has led or coached multiple churches through transition. He serves on the Transitional Leadership Network team. As a certified leadership coach, former business executive and now pastor he enjoys strengthening individuals and churches into who God created them to be.